Mental wellness is a spectrum where each of us resides. Creating inclusive and diverse spaces so all of us can feel safe regardless of where we fall on the spectrum is a primary focus at First United Methodist Church in Holland, Michigan. First UMC’s director of children's ministry, Jill DeJonge, shares her own story of growing up with mental health diagnoses, along with practical tips that range from creating a zen zone for kids to how to have challenging conversations about mental health, all intended to nurture our mental wellbeing inside the church.
Guest: Jill DeJonge
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This episode posted on May 17, 2024.
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Transcript
Prologue
Mental wellness is a spectrum where each of us resides creating inclusive and diverse spaces so all of us can feel safe regardless of where we fall on the spectrum is a primary focus at First United Methodist Church in Holland, Michigan. First two MCs, director of education, Gil d. Young shares her own story of growing up with mental health diagnoses, along with practical tips that range from creating a zen zone for kids to how to have challenging conversations about mental health, all intended to nurture our mental wellbeing inside the church.
Crystal Caviness, host: Welcome Jill, to “Get Your Spirit in Shape.”
Jill DeJonge, guest: Thank you for having me.
Crystal: I am eager for the conversation we're going to have today. I think it's an important one for us to have in our churches in our world, so I'm really eager to get to that. But before we do, I'd like for you to tell me and tell us just a little bit about yourself.
Jill: I'm currently the director of Children's Ministries at First United Methodist Church in Holland. I also coach volleyball at Michigan Volleyball Academy and Holland Public Schools. Go Dutch! I don't have any children of my own, but I have nieces and nephews that I love to spend time with. I haven't been in the UMC for very long. I kind of consider myself to be a little bit of a spiritual mutt, if you will. I was born and raised in West Michigan. I grew up going to a Christian Reformed church and I went there until I went to college. And then I went to Great Lakes Christian College, which is associated with the Christian Church and Church of Christ, majored in Bible theology and cross-cultural ministries. And then after college just bounced around a lot before I finally landed at a United Church of Christ. And now I've just passed one year on May 1st working here at First United Methodist.
Crystal: Well, welcome to The United Methodist Church. What a gift that you are part of the denomination, and I'm sure as director of Children's Ministries, you probably feel like you have a lot of children in the work that you do. It's tireless work, I'm sure.
Jill: Yes, I claim them all as mine.
Crystal: What we're going to talk about today that in your role as the director of Children's Ministries, you have worked to help those who may struggle with mental, neurological, or emotional challenges, and I definitely want to talk about why that's a personal ministry for you. But before we get started, prior to recording the podcast, you were sharing really some definitions with me that were useful, that really informed how we may have this conversation. And I'd love for you if you will, please just share that with our audience, just some basic words and so that when we have this conversation, we'll kind of all be on the same place.
Jill: So we talk a lot about mental illness and that is an okay term to use. Mental illness is real and people have mental illnesses. But when we're talking about mental health as a larger topic, it's more helpful to talk about it in terms of mental wellness because we all have mental health, and so we may have good mental health or we may have poor mental health, but we all exist somewhere on that spectrum. So talking about mental wellness instead of mental illness is more inclusive and helps us talk about this in light of whole communities and really the whole world.
Crystal: Thank you for sharing that. That was really helpful for me. And Jill, why is this a special interest to you?
Jill: I was probably around seven or eight years old and my parents brought me into the emergency room because they thought I was having an asthma attack. I was in the backseat of the car just trying to get a deep breath and felt like I couldn't, which is very scary as you can imagine for a young child to feel like they can't breathe or really for anybody to feel that. But when we got to the hospital, it was quickly determined by triage that my body was getting plenty of oxygen. I wasn't having an asthma attack, I was actually having a panic attack. So that's when I was first diagnosed with anxiety. And since then, at various points in my life, I've also been diagnosed with depression, PTSD, auditory Processing Disorder, and ADHD. So I know quite intimately what it's like to have these challenges and I know what it feels like to have them go unnoticed or misunderstood by other people. And I don't want other children or adults for that matter to feel like they don't belong because they're different. I want them to feel comfortable, safe, loved, because those are things that I really craved when I was dealing with these things.
Crystal: All of your diagnosis, that would be a lot for an adult to adjust to living with. But as a child, that must have seemed overwhelming at times.
Jill: It was very overwhelming and I was lucky that I was in a church and a family that supported me and loved, but it's even worse for kids who don't have those communities of support.
Crystal: In your church particularly. What did that support look like?
Jill: I always felt included in the church growing up. I felt like my opinions mattered and I really benefited the church and made a difference to people. I was asked my opinion on things, and so I was able to share ways that church could be good for me and those things were listened to and that was really important to feel empowered and supported by a church community.
Crystal: In your current role, let's talk about you've done quite a bit of work even in one year with this ministry. Let's talk about that a little bit. When you came into the role, did you immediately see a need or was this a goal from the very beginning?
Jill: Well, I think every church has areas that they can grow. When we're talking about mental wellness, there's lots of spaces in the church that are challenging for people with these challenges. So there's physical spaces that can be challenging. For me personally, if I pull into a parking lot and there's not a place to park or there's only a few options and I can't park where I feel comfortable, that's a source of anxiety. Or walking into a church with poor signage is another thing. There have been churches that I've gotten into or walked into and left before I ever got into a seat because of things like that. But we could also talk about sensory challenges. So for instance, as someone with auditory processing disorder, being in a church that plays instrumental music while people are talking is very difficult. I can't focus or hear, understand the speaker as well.
And then most importantly, we can talk about emotional spaces in the church. And so I've been in churches that talk about mental illness in terms of a problem to be solved. Or I had one instance where I was told I couldn't volunteer in a church's mission team because of my mental illness. It somehow disqualified me from service. And in many churches, I've been in an atmosphere of move on, I guess like mental illness is seen as this temporary ailment that someone can just simply choose not to have anymore. Or that if our mental wellness isn't where we want it to be, we can just do X, Y, Z and then we'll be all better. So there's lots of challenges for people from those physical spaces, sensory spaces to emotional spaces that churches can always focus on improving in. And First United Methodist has done a great job of seeing those things and really laying a groundwork for the work that I have done and the team has done, but there's always ways we can improve as well.
Crystal: Jill, it sounds like that there's really a tremendous need for education about mental wellness. I mean, all the things you've just said, if people were in a space where they knew more, I would hope maybe there would be more understanding and more inclusive. Do you see that as part of the goals?
Jill: So yes, that is definitely one of the goals that we have and that I think churches in general should have. We created a mental health ministry team here at first, and the goal of that group is in part to provide that education. So overall, we want to provide compassionate support, care and education for individuals in the congregation and also their loved ones who are struggling with their mental wellness. We do that through fostering an environment of understanding, acceptance, inclusivity. We really want individuals to feel safe to share their experiences and to seek assistance without judgment. So we do all of that through lots of education, through advocacy and practical assistance as well.
Crystal: I appreciate how brave you are to talk about your personal story and how you've taken that and with the courage to turn it into take an action to help other families. But there is still stigma surrounding mental health challenges, and sadly, we find that in the church with maybe because people can quietly suffer from a mental health challenge. And it sounds like maybe in your past that people, because it wasn't physical, people underestimated or definitely didn't take it as seriously. So how can we create an environment where people feel safe to share?
Jill: Yeah, I'm really glad you asked this question because that's what it's all about, right, is taking what others have learned in certain situations and being able to apply it to our own settings. So I just want to say off the that what has worked in our church as far as specifics go may not be what will work in another church, but there are some general things we can talk about that make spaces safe. I've come up with a list actually of 11 different things through just different rating that I've done and different studying. I'll see if I can remember them all. I remember them by the first letters to the tune of the Mickey Mouse theme song.
Crystal: I love it. Does that mean you sing the Mickey Mouse theme song?
Jill: I do in my, well, maybe I won't sing it for you. You don't want that, but I'll sing it in my head and see if I can remember everything.
Crystal: And we'll also, we can post this in the show notes too, so if you miss something.
Jill: Oh, fantastic.
Crystal: Yeah, so people don't have to be jotting them down or learning the new tune to the Mickey Mouse.
Jill: So the first thing is physical security. So things like well-lit areas, security cameras, anything visible as far as security measures go, people tend to feel safer when they see tangible efforts to ensure their physical safety.
The second thing, which maybe should be the first thing, if I'm honest, is trust. So trust in the environment and the people around them is crucial for feeling safe. And trust can be built through consistent, reliable behavior through honesty and through integrity.
Next is predictability. So knowing what to expect in a given environment or from certain people, predictability reduces uncertainty and it helps people feel more in control of their surroundings.
Next is supportive relationships, feeling connected to others who provide emotional support and understanding. It could be friends, it could be family, it could be the clergy, it could be other volunteers in certain areas, anybody who offers empathy and assistance.
Number five is inclusion and acceptance. So feeling accepted and valued for who you are without fear of discrimination or prejudice. It creates a sense of psychological safety, I guess. So in environments where diversity is celebrated, where everyone's voice is heard, people are more likely to feel safe in those kinds of environments.
Number six is clear boundaries. So clearly defined boundaries, respect for personal space. And when individuals feel that their boundaries are respected, they're more likely to feel secure.
Next is empowerment. So feeling empowered to take action, especially in a challenging situation, enhances feelings of safety. This could involve knowing how to access help or resources or feeling confident in their ability to protect themselves or others.
After that is positive environment. So a positive nurturing environment has factors like cleanliness and organization, and then also things like a sense of community and even the language that we use in a space being positive and uplifting.
The next one is freedom from threats. So people need to feel free from all three kinds of threats, physical, emotional and verbal threats. Any form of intimidation or coercion undermines feelings of safety.
10 is … I have to sing the song.
Crystal: Oh, good. I hope you'll share it with us.
Jill: 10 is open communication. So open and transparent communication channels where concerns can be raised and where concerns can be addressed without fear of it coming back on them is essential for creating a safe environment.
And then the last one is empathy and understanding. So feeling understood and validated in your emotions contributes to a sense of safety. And when others demonstrate empathy and compassion, it helps individuals feel more supported and secure.
So I know that's a lot of information and it's very general information, but like I said, the specifics that make these things tangible are going to be different from church to church.
Crystal: And really, Jill, those sound like best practices for any church.
Jill: Absolutely.
Crystal: Those are just, we would hope that somebody, anyone walking in would feel safe and they would feel that they can trust the people there and all of those things. Can you tell us how your mental health ministry team maybe some success stories or some anecdotal examples from the work of the ministry team?
Jill: Sure. So the team just began meeting the end of August, so that's less than nine months ago. We've accomplished quite a great deal, in my opinion. Gratefully the clergy and the leadership that was working in the church before the group was really laid down a great foundation for us to build on because they had already started paying attention to sensory needs. They spoke about difficult topics from the pulpit. They really focused on making the church an accepting and inclusive space where trust was the paramount concern. So it's because of all the work that they did that we've really been able to do the work we've done. So we started things with a grant that we received from the Michigan conference, and that was able to kind of kickstart things for us. We created a zen zone in the elementary classroom, so that provides a place of respite for kids who are overwhelmed or dealing with big emotions or just need a break from the sensory environment of the big group.
We were also able to purchase some bean bags, which maybe sounds like a really small thing, but it's been totally transformational for kids who just need that comfy area to themselves in order to focus and listen and feel safe. We also use the grant money to put on a mental health and wellbeing event in January following a three week wellbeing sermon series. So this event focused on learning how to talk about mental health, gaining skills for helping your loved ones and gathering resources to care for yourself as well. It was very well attended for our church. We collected surveys at the end and all of the surveys asked for similar events and asked for them to be longer in the future. So we considered that a great success. And actually because of that, we've planned another event that's coming up a week from yesterday actually.
So that will be a wellbeing workshop in which participants will learn how to recognize mental wellness struggles and get help for themselves or for loved ones, and they'll learn a variety of coping strategies and skills for coping with everything from daily stress to full-blown crisis. We had a group participate in a 5K for mental health that collected over $25,000 for a local mental health organization. So we were really excited to be part of that. We've also collected over 70 books for children and caregivers that now reside in our diversity and inclusion library. We're looking forward to a book study on Andy Kohlberg's book, try Softer this Summer, and that's all accomplished with just one meeting a month. So I'm really proud of the team and really proud of this church as well for buying into this and considering this to be important.
Crystal: I am speechless, Jill. I mean, in fact, I'm kind of also very emotional right now thinking of what your church in nine months, meeting once a month has accomplished. Our audience won't see this, but you could see my face as you were telling things. And when you got to the, we had a 5K and raised $25,000 I, I was just like, wow. And then the books, oh my goodness, what a fabulous resource for your families and for children to be able to have these titles. And I hope that you can share some of those, that book list with us too. I think that would be such a tremendous resource. And then just the way that your church, your congregation has embraced the topic is just seems like this really a model for what we all should be doing to educate ourselves.
And when you use the word diversity and inclusion, I'm not sure that a lot of people instantly think about people whose mental wellness isn't where it needs to be, who are still really struggling to have the best mental wellness that they can.
So I appreciate as well, those are the words that you're using to kind of broaden our definition of what diversity and inclusion looks like. So thank you for all of your leadership for that. That's just tremendous.
What has it meant to you personally, Jill, for your faith journey to be a part of this work or to be in a community of people who, yes, you are resourcing families that have these members with these mental health challenges, but you're an adult who's navigating this as well. So what has that meant for you in your faith journey?
Jill: Well, first and foremost, I just have to say how grateful I am to be in this community. I think it's really difficult to find a church that ministers well to people as whole people. I think the biggest way this has impacted my faith journey is in how much more of God I know and see. So instead of feeling like I need to hide the emotional part of me, I'm learning to see the emotional parts of Jesus instead. So the Jesus that got angry and turned over tables and the Jesus that wept in sadness and grief and the Jesus who felt anguish and the Jesus who felt joy too. Among all of these things, I think about how Jesus talked about the importance of faith, but also the importance of rest. He talked about forgiveness and grace and all of these kind of spiritual words that we can think of.
But he also talked about community and connection. He reached out to those struggling with faith, but also with food insecurity, with physical ailments. And in his final discourse with the disciples before his crucifixion, he promised to send the Holy Spirit who we know as the comforter to be with them forever. And so this promise, this assurance of the ongoing presence and comfort of the Holy Spirit provided solace and strength to his followers and their times of grief and adversity proving that he cares for our emotional wellbeing as well. So I think when the church ministers to hold people or when you're in a church that is ministering to hold people, physical, spiritual, emotional, it's just an image of Jesus's ministry and how he did ministry and cared for people. Not to mention life is just simply easier when you're part of a community that you can rely on to care for you and support you in multiple ways.
Crystal: We have a saying in the south, I don't know if they have this saying in Michigan where you are, Jill, but in the south we would say, that'll preach. But as I hear you saying that it feels like, or it sounds like, you have found a place where you can be your most authentic.
Jill: Yes.
Crystal: And that must feel like such a gift.
Jill: It really is. Yes. And I'm so thankful to the clergy and the leadership for really making this a place where I can feel that way and where I hope others feel that way.
Crystal: Yeah, absolutely. Well, as we finish up today, is there anything that we didn't talk about that you wanted to talk about?
Jill: I think I just want to say that when I got this invitation, I was a little bit surprised by it. Tims reached out to write an article as well. I was just talking with a friend of mine about how it doesn't feel like we've done anything groundbreaking or kind of worthy of this attention. I guess most of what we've done has been pretty simple and pretty creative, and yet my friend pointed out that she doesn't really know of other churches who are these things, and that I think can maybe cause people to despair, but it doesn't cause me to despair. It really causes me to hope, like what a fantastic opportunity churches have to do things that we can do. I hope that once churches hear how simple some of these steps are, that they'll take some of their own. I hope something I've said today encourages another person to act in some way because there just truly are things that we all can do to make our churches safer and more welcoming, whether you're a mega church or a small church plant with just a few people.
Crystal: Well, I mean, there's evidence of how much you can get accomplished even in a short time just looking at what you guys did. I mean, it's almost like you could put together, you've got one year, this is what you can do, and it would be staggering, honestly. So thank you for all that you have done and all that your church is doing and just all the leadership there that's willing to have the conversations and put resources, both people resources, I'm sure financial resources behind this too. And a shout out to the Michigan Conference for giving you guys a grant to get this going. So they clearly, as I think all conferences would, see the value of having this ministry.
Well, our last question, Jill, I want to ask you is the question that we ask all of our guests on “Get Your Spirit in Shape” and how do you keep your own spirit in shape?
Jill: I'll give you a general answer and a specific answer. So in general, spending time outside is crucial for my spirit. I love the water, I love the trees, I love all the beautiful things that nature can teach us. And specifically, I climb trees. There's just something about being in a tree that makes me feel supported and just the right size, right, like small enough to appreciate the insignificance of things that don't matter, but big enough to appreciate my impact on the things that do matter.
Crystal: I've asked this question dozens of times and no one's ever told me that they climb trees. So I really love that because I love trees. I love how you describe that as the perspective that it gives you when you're in that tree. And I really especially appreciated the word supported, how you feel supported.
That's really beautiful. Jill, thank you again for being a guest. Thank you for being authentic with us and transparent about your own life and your own mental wellness and for the ministry and the work that you're doing there at First United Methodist Church. So thanks again for being a guest on “Get Your Spirit in Shape.”
Jill: Thank you so much for having me.
Epilogue
That was Jill DeJonge discussing her story as a person with mental health diagnoses and how her United Methodist Church is working to create diverse and inclusive spaces for people all along the mental wellness spectrum. To learn more, go to umc.org/podcasts and look for this episode where you will find helpful links and a transcript of our conversation. If you have questions or comments, feel free to email me at a special email address just for get your spirit in shape listeners, [email protected]. If you enjoyed today's episode, we invite you to leave a review on the podcast platform where you listen. Thank you for taking the time to join us on "Get Your Spirit in Shape." I'm Crystal Caviness and I look forward to the next time that we're together.
